And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” — Anais Nin

The bedroom wall of our house was a light blue colour. My eyes opened, unwillingly, after a night of restless sleep and fixed themselves, rigidly, on a spot on that wall. Dread and anxiety gripped my stomach.

It felt like an iron weight had been placed there. I didn’t want to go into work. I was absolutely miserable, and I didn’t know what to do.

I had started my career with so much optimism and idealism, although I wasn’t sure that career reflected what I truly was meant to be doing. And now, it just felt so wrong … so misaligned for me for so many reasons.

After I graduated with an Honors B.A. in English Language and Literature, my intention was to do a degree in clinical social work. I felt called to work in a “helping” profession. Yet, Infinite Intelligence had other plans for me.

Instead, I stumbled into a career as a professional fund raising executive, predominantly working on multi-million dollar campaigns with very wealthy volunteers and donors.

It wasn’t until many years later that I realized this was no accident – that money and generating funds (essentially, marketing and selling) – were part of my karmic path.

I had developed solid communication, strategy and management skills and combined them with my more subtle talents of intuition, non-judgmental curiosity and active listening.

The thing was that, although I had played a senior staff/consulting leadership role in helping to raise over $30 million, I couldn’t see my own contribution and value. I felt empty, unfulfilled and inadequate.

I knew I had wounds that were deeply affecting me and keeping me in a cycle of compulsive perfectionism and feeling like I never quite measured up.

My chronic imposter syndrome was further exacerbated by being around very financially wealthy people who intimidated me. I didn’t come from a wealthy family myself.

The façade I wore alienated me completely from any sense of authenticity. I over-performed, over-worked and was constantly trying to be perfect, so I could look and feel deserving and adequate. Sadly, it didn’t work.

Not only was I physically exhausted and completely stressed out from playing this “game” of the successful career woman, I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually, as well.

I knew something had to change. The first thing that I knew had to change was how I perceived and treated myself. I craved deeper self-acceptance and self-love. I just didn’t know how to do it.

Then I was guided to enroll in a course about mind-body-spirit healing called The Total Self. It was a game changer for me.

I committed to therapy with a spiritual psychotherapist and went to yoga classes and meditation retreats. I started going to a naturopath and enrolled in more wellness courses.

I surrendered myself completely to my own healing journey. Things were changing … I was changing.

I started to live a life that felt more authentic to me.

I quit my job and started my first business – a fund raising consulting business.

In the midst of this new adventure, I still felt a gnawing sense that I wasn’t totally aligned with what I was doing. My heart was calling me to even deeper authenticity and a higher expression of my work. I just didn’t know exactly what that higher expression looked like yet.

So, I brought this yearning to a spiritual teacher/intuitive I greatly respected. He confirmed that I was meant to be own boss and integrate my intuition and right brain capabilities more into my work. Then, he paused for a moment. “You have a classic psychiatrist’s or psychotherapist’s energy system. You have a natural healing ability. What are you going to do with it?”

I was taken aback. Yikes! A psychiatrist?! That’s not a profession I had ever considered.

Then, a lightbulb went off in my heart and mind. I had had that call once before in my life, and I refused it (or, at least, I got side-tracked from it).

This time I knew I had to answer it … and I would.

The call wasn’t to become a psychiatrist … or, even, I realized after much contemplation and discernment, a psychotherapist. It was to integrate my experience, skills and natural abilities into the relatively new profession known as coaching.

I was being called to formally do what I had been doing informally for so many years at work, with friends and with family members. I was to be a coach. Specifically, I was to be an inner mastery and business coach for conscious business owners such as therapists, coaches, consultants and wellness professionals.

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” –- Howard Thurman

Excitedly, I completed certifications in individual and group coaching. Both came naturally to me, and I felt like I was in my element.

I hired a web developer and designer and got my branding together and website up.

While I already had some solid, foundational marketing and selling skills from my fund raising background and first business, it felt like so much had changed. There were all sorts of new marketing methods, including social media, and I took courses in all of them.

My mind convinced me that things were more complicated now, but if I could just find the right training, mentor, advisor or coach, everything would just fall into place.

I enrolled and participated in programs with renowned business coaches for thousands of dollars.

And, then, I crashed. I became totally overwhelmed, confused, exhausted and frustrated.

The experts were telling me that I had to do all these things in order for my coaching business to succeed. One expert would contradict another. So, I tried doing all of “the things” and ended up exhausted and discouraged.

This was still all about the “hustle”, yet deep down, I knew that was antithetical to my innate wisdom and natural energy.

I didn’t have a clue which approaches were the ones to prioritize. There were so many new, bright, shiny objects.

And, even if I did know which strategies were the ones to prioritize, I didn’t know how to tap into my own creativity, so I could make them my own.

I didn’t know how to use them in ways that were authentic for me and aligned with my strengths and what brings me joy.

Some of these approaches seemed to require a lot of effort and provide minimal return, and I didn’t feel aligned with them. I couldn’t understand why this was the case.

I was doing everything the experts were telling me to do, exactly the way they told me to do them. However, I couldn’t seem to get consistent traction; when I got traction, I couldn’t sustain it.

I honestly thought there was something seriously wrong with me (which triggered suppressed feelings of shame).

What I came to realize was that the way I was showing up in my work and business (and life), mentally and emotionally, was impacting me in ways that chronic over-thinking and changing or tweaking my business strategy would never rectify.

The turning point was when I started investigating how my distorted thinking and buried emotions — that is, my limiting subconscious programming and unresolved emotional wounds — were running the show and keeping me in the “hustle”.

With support, I started doing shadow work to reveal the hidden, subconscious programming (buried thoughts and emotions) I couldn’t previously see related to myself, other people, work, business, marketing, selling and money.

Using brainwave, somatic and energy/spiritual healing practices and techniques I had learned and some I developed myself, I started clearing my limiting subconscious patterning and accessing, feeling and releasing the buried emotions that were holding me back.

I had been disconnected from my own wisdom and creativity and operating from a consciousness of fear and scarcity. Often, this could be subtle.

As I continued clearing my limiting patterning, it became easier to tune into my own intuitive guidance to direct me. I consistently worked on evolving my consciousness. As a result, I started feeling more prosperous and relaxed about myself, other people, money and business development (hint: the feeling is the secret).

I want to emphasize that this wasn’t a “one and done”. This was an ongoing process that took time, commitment and focus (and I’m a work in progress to this day).

Also, this didn’t mean I didn’t need to take action or to learn anything from anyone else any more. However, it did eliminate the confusion and gave me the clarity and guidance I needed about what approaches to use, what right actions to take, what support I needed and what I still needed to learn and from whom.

Rather than automatically looking outside of myself for solutions, I now first consulted my own internal locus of power.

My innate wisdom and creativity started leading the way in actualizing my vision and goals in a more relaxed, authentic and effective way. I started taking only the actions that felt true and right and that were a genuine expression of me and my strengths.

“Any human anywhere will blossom in a hundred unexpected talents and capacities simply by being given the opportunity to do so.” -– Doris Lessing

The biggest shift for me has been moving my power focus from the outside world to inside of myself — to my inner authority, knowing and wisdom.

This has brought an enduring freedom, joy and prosperity into my work, business, finances and life.

As I’ve gone through my own evolutionary process, I’ve worked with 100s of therapists, coaches, consultants and wellness professionals who, like me, were tired of hustling, striving, struggling, over-thinking, over-doing, exertion and exhaustion when it came to their work and developing their businesses.

I’ve helped them to actualize their vision and goals in a more relaxed, authentic and effective way, by shifting their power focus inward. Together, we’ve activated their deepest wisdom and creativity for success and prosperity through peace and inspiration.

I’ve seen the power of developing clients’ inner mastery and tapping into their wisdom, combined with inspired business development strategies and aligned actions to elevate them into higher expressions of themselves and their work and new levels of success and prosperity. 

If you feel ready for inner and outer expansion and a powerful, more authentic way to grow yourself and your business, I’d love to gift you a no-obligation Success Through Peace and Inspiration Clarity Consultation with me on Zoom.

I genuinely want to hear your story and what lights you up.

We’ll chat about your journey, your aspirations, your strengths, your growth edges, steps to move you from where your are to where you want to be — and what your deepest wisdom is telling you right now.

If this resonates, please send me a note through my Contact Page and let’s connect!